Dedicated to: Hopeless Romantics

 I bet everyone in my age has ever experienced 'one-side love' as I call it. No matter with whom you've fallen in love: with a boy from a football team who 'may be a little too boy-band-meets-athlete perfect' (quote from my fav book 'Girl Online' by Zoella) or with literally a guy from a boyband who can't be more perfect..who doesn't know you...yeah, i feel you... And if you're a hopeless romantic as I am, then keep reading because this post is for you as you could see in the title.

Love is a flippin amazing thing...maybe. Don't take my words seriously here because I've never been in a love relationship hmm...anyway! Although, I caaan say that I've been infatuated with a few guys. And every time I went through the same things. Here's a little Top-8 list of things me doing every time whenever I get the feeling that seems to be something-close-to-love-but-it-might-be-not:

1) Save as many pictures of a guy I like as possible;
2) Put them on wallpaper on all my gadgets;
3) If it's a singer, download all the songs including demo versions and all possible covers, etc.;
4) Listen to them 24/7;
5) Imagine cute life situations with them;
6) However that would never happen in real life;
7) Remember point #6 and be sad;
8) Repeat

I mean, yeah, now even to me it appears to be REALLY cheesy but i can't deal with that when I'm in love with someone. Sometimes I get a feeling of being so obsessed with a certain person that it pretty much becomes a main point of my life. Sounds like an absolute absurd , doesn't it?

Well, being in love also means appearing thoughts like:
1) Oh well he would never look at me because I don't look like a girl a guy would date with;
2) Okay I'm too weird for him;
3) Besides, he would never be able to handle my love to Taylor Swift;
4) Finally, if he knew how my laughter sounds like he would escape in 2 sec.

Therefore, everything leads to a depression.

Recently I've gone through this stuff once again and realised that I can't go on this way. I should take over my own life than just dreaming of having someone by my side. I've been carrying the idea in my crazy mind for a few days so that what I came to:

• If you worry about having someone with you in a relationship very much and you feel self-conscious about yourself because no one fancies you then stop for a minute and think. You don't have to change yourself for the sake of being liked by your crush. Relationships always build around absolute honesty and if someone doesn't like you the way you are then apparently that's not the one you're meant to be with.
• Be interesting. And that doesn't mean to be super extraordinary as I thought, but to be interested in something. There's nothing more amazing than to look at a person who really enjoys doing what they love. That's totally alluring. So try things, practise, do researches and HAVE FUN:)
• Never blame yourself if someone treats you bad or doesn't like you. I mean, make sure you didn't make real harm to them but if you didn't do anything wrong then leave them.
• “Sometimes the hero of the fairy tale isn't a handsome prince. Sometimes it's you.” ('Girl Online On Tour' by Zoella)

So, here's another episode of my simmering mental thoughts haha x

If you found here something you've ever experienced please let me know x

All the love xx

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY xx || October 2016

ITS OCTOBER YEEEESSS (i don't care that it's the middle of the month already)

October is one of my favourite times of the year because 1) Its my birthday

                                                                                          2) Christmas and New Year are coming soon

A few days ago I visited one of our local IKEA shops and found out that they have some Christmas stuff already which made me to be SOOO EXCITED like I adore Xmas and New Years A LOT!! 

I took this random photo in Ikea and this
 Christmasy lamps made my day!!

Everything looked just adorable I must say. Although there's not that much festive stuff yet but it still made me feel a bit happier!

FUN FACT: Actually that day wasn't quite an enjoyable day because I escaped from school because I had such a bad anxiety that day. So I decided that I'd go as far as I can and I went to Ikea x)) It's just because this shop is freakin cool and it's one of my favourite places of all time!

The new range of winter candles is insane!

I must mention candles in my blog because I'm a candle junky x)) The candle section is my heaven so I ran over there in a crazy excitement though wasn't expecting to see some new products. But when I saw the brand new Christmas range I forgot about everything in this world because I love this time of the year. These smell absolutely divine!!! They have cookie, pie and that sort of flavours. Definitely gonna get one of those in November!

Of course, October is the month of Halloween!! Sadly it's not a common celebration in my area, although shops have quite a lot halloweeny stuff to offer. So I visited one of the shops and omg I fell in love with these pyjamas because I've been looking for familiar ones for a long time. However, I didn't have money in my purse so I didn't buy them.

I guess they might look amazing in the dark!!

Last but not least!

It's not a festive thing I know. But look at this T-shirt. I am so delighted that now shops produce such inspirational clothes. Some people don't really pay attention on what's written on your t-shirt. But now, real life situation. I had one of the worst days in my life but when I saw this one from across the room, it made me feel a bit happier. To my mind, if we had some lovely and inspirational banners on streets, just generally all around us, subconsciously these little things would make us so much more positive and confident in ourselves, especially the last one which is definitely a hard-to-be thing nowadays.

Anyway, now let's talk about music. This. Album. Is. Brilliant. If you haven't heard one of the songs written by this young man who's incredibly talented go and do it now because you will make your life better, I trust you. Firstly, the vocals are unbelievable. If you listen to the first EP and album and the to 'Illuminate', you will hear how Shawn has improved at singing and it's insane. Secondly, the lyrics !!! If i didn't know how old is he i would say that he's not very young because I can't explain all the wisdom of thoughts he has put in certain songs. My personal favorite is Understand the lyrics are amazing, the final words are stunning and every time I listen to the song, it feels like I'm being given an advice which I really need at the moment. So go check this one out !!! x

Ed Sheeran. That says everything. Forever favourite. Especially, when it rains and you walk home and look at the wonderful autumn leaves and listen to the album '+'. It gives you all the feelings in the universe and of course feeling of autumn. By the way, Ed promised to come back this autumn but he's still not and that makes me miss him more and more :((

Well...This doesn't need an explanation as well. If I say I'm freaking out over TS6 and that Taylor can drop it in every minute it won't describe how nervous I am right now. Although, I'm so excited to hear new songs because so much stuff actually happened recently to Taylor and that might give her an amazing inspiration for writing! But for now, I listen to her previous albums especially 1989 and Speak Now which are my personal favs!






So that is the things which make my life so much happier!! x

Hope you're having a lovely day xx

Life update|| It's OK to say you're not OK

I haven't posted for a long time. I just didn't feel like writing because now I'm going through not the easiest part of my life.

So many people nowadays share their experiences with anxiety, panic attacks and various forms of mental illnesses which became something that other people consider as a way of attraction of viewers/readers attention. Sadly, those people don't actually realise how many people struggle with anxiety these day. And i find people's bravery to share their experiences unbelievable. Because it is so hard to explain the struggle that you go through every day.

Well, not gonna take it long. I've never struggled with anxiety before the last year. One year ago I had a perfomance in my school. While being on stage I got that confusing feeling of a completely absorbing fear. I didn't hear sound very well, got so dizzy and claustrophobic. Everything felt too much. I really wanted not to finish the song and run away but that would make everything way worse. One thing I knew for sure: that have never happened to me before. I didn't know what had happened then, but i knew it didn't feel great. 

After, I got home and Googled the symptoms. Quick note: when it down to your health it's better not to google or at least not to believe everything that is written online. However, I did that. The first thought that hit my mind: 'that is definitely not something i want to share my life with'. But I had to. After this incident everything turned to a bit of a wrong route. Any places with lots of people turned into my 'AVOID TO GO' places. One of them  was school which i naturally couldn't escape from. Although, since 3-5 months it got better and nearly got rid of anxious thoughts, I found new friends and my life couldn't have been better...

Until this very month.

The new year of high school seemed to be hella exciting, full of new opportunities and experiences. Positivity and confidence were my best pals.  But slowly, I started getting that feeling that something was getting wrong in progression. My friend at school with whom my relationship was at the highest point ever (although I though they were) changed so much in a bit of a strange way in my point of view so, that we don't even say hi to each other now. I lost that one reason of loving school- having fun with classmates. My self-esteem was falling lower and lower. All that i was left with were depression and anxiety. Again. But worse this time. I turned into a shade who doesn't talk to anyone and looks like a sad mess 24/7. All these 3 weeks I've been feeling on the edge of crying most of my time especially in school. Everything have been feeling annoyingly irritating and upsetting.

No one knew except my 2 best friends outside of school. My family didn't know. I tried to start a talk about that but every time either got interrupted or misunderstood. I was so scared to tell to anyone and thought that I'll be alright the next day but that wouldn't happen. And I think my parents started to notice that something was actually going on, I've never laughed or smiled anymore. So one night I just sat and bursted into tears and said 'I think I'm not OK'. Surely, looking back now, that was the best decision-TO SHARE. Since that point, I don't feel like I'm alone. My family surrounded me with a huge support and love so much like it never has happened before. My life got better when they let me know that we're going to deal with it together. 

Therefore, my advice to you if you struggle with any form of mental illness or you just don't feel OK, tell about that to your family or your close friends. I know it's really really hard but you will feel WAY better. I promise.

After telling my parents we made an appointment with a therapist. I wasn't expecting any great help but I was mistaken. We have a chat 1 hour long and quiting the hospital I felt that my mind hasn't been that clear and free as it was after the appointment. Many people underrate therapists but that is unbelievably helpful. Even if it's just a single appointment, a therapist will help you to get to know your problem better and find ways you will get better. 

Now I'm on my way to change my life to the right way. As my therapist said, it's not an easy and quick deal, it's something I must work on really hard, every day. I still have the fears, I'm still struggling with going on with school, I'm still not confident but I will start trying to fix it. I will be fighting with all my fears, anxiety and depression. Now I'm aware that it is absolutely possible to get rig of it, it's not the way I'm gonna live all my life. And if you're feeling the same, I ask you, please don't be afraid to tell someone that you're feeling not OK. Don't be afraid to ask for help because you're not alone:)

P.S. If you need help or you just want to talk I'm always here for you x

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE POPULAR?

You know, there are so many celebrities nowadays. Singers, dancers, YouTuber and like so. Their jobs are directly related to public. They have fan armies that support them in their stuff and lots of teens what to be like them. But little do we know what happens backstage.

Behind screaming girls, photoshoots and glossy front covers of magazines.

We shouldn't forget one simple but important thing- all people are the same. I mean, if you're a cashier or top popular singer, you still have the same feelings, the same needs. Imagine you chilling on your couch after a hardworking day and suddenly you hear unbearable squeals behind your fence. Scary thing, isn't it? 

Not a rare thing for them to wake up and find out they're dating someone they don't even know. And this is only beginning. Then everyone online considers to share their opinion with everyone. Just imagine yourself in that situation. Not really pleasing thing, is it?  #GossipsAreEverything

Personal life is not a thing. If they're really into someone and they're going to be in a romance relationship with someone, 90 %  people will watch them. I don't think it's a healthy relationship when everyone's watching and commenting on it.

Avoid of being used. If you wanna be popular just because you believe that celebrities can get yourself a girlfriend\boyfriend quite easily- then you're right. But who knows what that person wants more- you or your money and fame?

Think twice what you say. If you're a celebrity and you say something blurry about someone or something, it goes in public instantly. Besides, it might get paraphrased which will only make it all worse. And again- drama.

PR, PR and again PR. A great way to remind of yourself to people, some kind of 'lift of fame'. Amazing feature if you're not disgussed to make out with a stranger and have a little photoshoot for top rumor magazines.

There's so much more fame issues but these are the worst downlights of it in my opinion. In my point of view, all people in show business are really strong and I admire them for making art and going through such unpleasing things related to their profession. And if you, reading this want to be popular remember that fame is not only money and joy xx



Speechless Girl xx.

WHAT DOES MUSIC MEAN TO YOU?

Hey, chums! It's me again, decided to make a proper post.

Basically,once I thought 'What does music mean to me?'
And here comes a story that started more than 10 years ago...

When I was little I used to absolutely love going at my Grandma's. My granny and my grandpa had a tiny flat on the outskirts of our town. There was such a special atmosphere there! Smell of old wooden furniture, polishes and freshly baked bread. So, they have this old piano that wasn't used by anyone. I used to grab newspapers imagining it is my notes, sit in front of the instrument and randomly play the piano thinking i was a great musician haha!

Years passed, I was 7-year-old student of primary school. My parents were like 'Hey would you like to do extra classes after school? Dancing or painting, for instance?' Without thinking twice I said:' I wanna play piano!!!'

After, we went to the nearest musical school and put my name down. Surely, I was the happiest little girl in the world! Still remember my excitement before the very first classes like it was yesterday.

Recently I finished my musical school with distinction which I'm really proud of. These years really did make music a part of me.

One and a half year ago I was like 'Hmm I love Ed Sheeran so much what if I start playing his songs myself...on guitar!' This is how I completely fell in love with all the guitar stuff.

Except all I wrote above, I noticed just one simple thing: I need music like water. Every day I feel like 'OMG I need listen to music as hell!!!!' And if I can't for some reason the music plays on my mind. Often, I wake up with a certain song playing on my mind that's actually really strange haha.
 It makes such a huge influence on me. I can feel utterly depressed that day but if I turn on some really positive tunes I feel like a different person, really, it is such a helper.

Ed Sheeran's songs basically changed me as a person. They changed my life, they changed my worldview and I've had so many amazing experience with them.

So, I can say that I BELIEVE IN MAGIC OF MUSIC! It can change the world.

Now, I'm trying to sing, still failing so far but I'm trying my best!

It'd be really interesting what you think about music!

That's it for now!

Speechless Girl xx 

My new post here ha

Hello, chums!!

Well, this blog i created really just for fun so I'll be posting here absolutely random things such as:
-my personal life experience
-my thoughts about life
-fan stuff because let's be honest i'm such a fangirl
- maybe some beauty stuff but so not sure cuz im not an expert and there are toooons of beauty blog now


I named my blog Speechless girl (abbreviated as spchlssgrl) because only a few people really know what my thoughts are, what I think of certain things and people. I don't let others really get me to know. I don't know why. Some people think they know me really well...actually they don't know me at all. So here I'm gonna be completely honest.

Here's some fact about me:
1) I'm a really insecure teen girl, who's got only a few friends (actually I have 3)
2) I love playing the guitar A LOT, I'm trying singing a bit now, it's crap but who cares
3) I have only 1 favorite book just because I think the main character is so like me
4) I have anxiety so I hate any school perfomances
5) My favorite male singer is Ed Sheeran and my favorite female singer is Taylor Swift
6) English is not my native language
7) I tried blogging but every time I failed because I didn't know what to make posts about
8) I started a new one because my best friend told me that she likes my posts (actually I think they're rubbish)
9) I really want to buy a camera to make cool pictures of everything but now I use my phone for this
10) I'm really lost in life and I have no idea who I'm supposed to be
And extra one
11) One of my deepest fears- lonelyness

Basically, thats all for now! If you think taht we have something in common please subscribe and we can be friends!

Speechless Girl xx